I am not the friendship type.

Even though I am expected to prepare for my lovely exams...what am I doing now? Blogging.
Don't ask why,I might be unable to give an answer.
And don't accuse me for that,I also might be unable to care.

***
You close your eyes,images passing in your mind,you like them or you don't and give your best to push them away,but most of the times not successful.But you still fight it.Because? You don't know.All you know is that you don't want to think about it,or to dream about it or your head to be place of nightmares for another night.Then you wake up.You open your eyes.And you see.You see the world,the same places,the same you,or not the same,cause it changed,changed by the same images in your head.Changed by...you.

***
I am not the friendship type.I have never been. People have friends from the kindergarden,the primary school,then highschool,university.They stuck together basically from the 'crib' till they engage. I don't.It is impossible for me.The friendship idea is impossible for me.I can't be stuck with someone since kindergarden.People change.I change,they change.How am I supposed to be stuck with someone who will not be the same person or neither I will. People like their friends.They adore to know that they have someone.Not like I don't.I just can't.Girls don't like me.They have never did.It was either cause I am too different,too ignorant,too boy-ish,too girl-ish,too cool,too warm,too nice,too bad.It's all the same.And I don't like them too.For the same reasons.Boys,most of them are immature for the pure friendship,or even if they are not,well we just don't fit in any possible way.
I am just not the friendship type.
I don't mind it.I guess I have never really did.I like it this way.My own way.People don't like me and I don't like them too.But I want to help them,cause everyone deserves help...Besides our differences.
...

2 am and I'm still awake.

Another night spend tweeting instead of the good old overrated sleeping.
But who can blame me?
You?
...
I started to believe that blogging is way of living,that love is a way of trading and the sleep a way of escaping. I started to think that dreams might come true,but before they do,you already have other ones.I started to know myself.And just when I did, I think I slipped on other way,on other path.'Who's the guilty one' you might ask? And I would simply say 'Stop screaming inside'.Cause you love to do it.You love almost everything you can't have.You love jumping in the deep.But just when you did,the deep became immense.But you know that you'll still doing this,cause me and you are one thing,just like Plato and Descartes deny that brain and mind are a whole.Subjective and objective.Monism and dualism.Sleep and awake.Fake and real.Pain and joy.Dream and weep.Mine and yours.
Take it or leave it.

My dearest Frannie,my dearest Willy.

Recently (well counting today and yesterday) I have thoughts.Different thoughts.About the world and me...the people.I start to appreciate it.Yes, it is probably because of the climate change or because of Salinger and his terribly adorable book (Frannie and Zooey)...But I see it.I see it and I feel it.I want to live it.And I don't want to.But most of the time I do.I miss the book,it showed me the meaning.Even though I have read it 2 years ago I was a child...And now I see it at the way I was supposed to. Frannie is damn right... Everyone has too much 'ego,ego,ego'. And tonight I watched this film,which made me think again about everything besides me and myself (the everyday life motive)... 'Waiting for forever'
...This boy (Willy) sees it, he sees it at the way we all have to see it.But we can't.It's not about the weather,it's not about the economics,about crisis,about terrorism and fuckin' politics,it's not about saving the world or making it 'better place'.It is simply about the simple lost things.It's about US-the people,the individuals,as he calls it 'peachy' side of the things.How we all should feel 'peachy'.Cause even it seems we have nothing and the world is all that cruel,bad,sad place...who cares.We are alive.That's all matters.Live it as you like it,live it as you want it,just be 'peachy'...It is not meant to be hard.
...Y-o-u m-a-k-e i-t h-a-r-d.

A post for S.

...даже и рима има...
Няма за какво да пиша за това ще се оплача от моето мега огромно главоболие,което ми лази по нервите толкова и колкото дразнещите ми съквартиранти и техните също толкова ужасни приятели,които сякаш си правят състезание кой да навика кого повече...Невероятно.
Но тя вече си го знае по неволя..
***

Finding.Hinding.Doubting and wondering.Feeling and not anymore dreaming.Most of the time thinking and right now having this major huge headache which decorates flowers inside my head. Probably the neurons loves this mess.Another rhyme and another pointless sentence, which contrary to all linguistic rules-it doesn't express a complete thought,simply because my head doesn't express completeness in all possible levels.The reason you wouuld ask for or maybe never even thought of asking for?- the lovely headache and the lovely pain and guilt i feel which causes my lovely-all-the-time depression.
Nobody would never ask for,why-because noone would never dare to.