It is kind of ironic how I have an endless bundle of thoughts in my mind, but they cannot be expressed in writing. So many thoughts, all of them far too homogeneous, because-
he dominates them all.
One of the reasons I am not allowed to write my thoughts down is because of the fear that they are actual feelings and we all know how bad I deal with feelings. I suspect I have never learnt the craft of proper feelings management. Afterall I am 90% assembled of emotions and all of them make my life a bit harder, especially in moments like this. I have thought that I am done with all that nonsense, I guess I was wrong, once more with... feeling.
If someone has the power to find the switch on button of your feelings, does he still leave you with the power of switching them off? I can't stop myself but wonder do I have any power at all.
I had no intention in implanting feelings, I had no intention in designing thoughts and flawed expectations, while I am slowly becoming a wrecked ship in this illusional world, where he is the sea, holding all the power over me.
And while I make my last attempts not to lose this battle, the sea waves take me deeper and further away from the shore than I have ever been before.
