You should not have smiled

I believed that when you looked at me, you actually saw through me. And no one else could, even if they tried,whilst you have never made any attempt. We met, exchanged glances and then each of us continued on our own way. But you knew that my way felt different after each unexpected encounter. I felt different. Perhaps I have already started the process of being different.

I always broke the gaze first, in a rush, afraid that if I don't do it right then in that second, I would not do it at all. You did see me at a moment when others could not. Not like you. Not with this sense, this raw, but so real emotion.
Vulnerability. Curiousity. Pride. Passion. Reluctance. Imapatience. Longness.
I did not need to talk to you, despite that I wanted to. I did not need to know your name, even though I wondered which name would suit you perfectly. And none actually did. I did not need to smile at you, nor being close to you.
All I needed was absorbing your glances, drowning in every bit of you reflected in your eyes.

Because I believed that when you looked at me, you saw through me.

But it was all a false assumption, an illusion, a mistake? You did look at me. And you did see me, but not the real me. You saw what you wanted to see, simply because if you ever knew me,

you would have never smiled.

Be(the)cause

I am not the girl who spends time wondering which decorative pillows to buy,
I am not the girl who is conveniently part of your social circle,
I am not the girl who bats her eyelashes and says hello when she sees you,
(even if I imagine tracing your strong jaw with my fingers).
I am not the girl who follows you around,
I am not the girl who will listen to you and do everything you say,
I might be the girl that you want,
but I am not the girl you will fall in love with,
I am not the girl of your life,

and that's fine.