Invincible

...For a moment brief, but still that great.

I hoped, but I have not actually believed that those days would come. The moment when I would have my lost self back again. It did and I wish it stayed for longer. The light was there, winning for a first time. There was still some darkness, but there were no labyrinths. No overlapping intentions, nor billion structured goals. Lies did not hurt either. I was free, as free as probably I will ever be. I did not have the need to compensate, overachieve, want or be with. Everything and everyone I knew were irrelavant. Nothing had a long-term place in my life then. I did not need any. Those gone days were short, but pure, rare and felt more than real. They were what I would call this overused, often misunderstood word. They were happy. And maybe I was too.
I can't write more. This time the words are doing more harm than good, because contrary to all assumptions - happiness does not need to be described, explained or made beautiful. Leave it smply be, because some of us know that the genuine, the one we don't need to sugarcoat or force, is untraceable and ephemeral. Hold on it while you can, and once gone - be ready to welcome it again.

Diving Lessons

The Sea.
At first you glance at it and realise that you have only three options- swim, remain on the shore or dive into. Your mind is clustered, and you do not reach a definite conclusion, thus you wait. The sea stares back at you and sends a line of waves in your direction as a reminder to make a decision. But you can't, because how could you? You don't know even if it is possible to form a rational thought at such moment. So you just stay motionless and close your eyes instead. It does not make any difference, but you hope for the answer miracuously to come up into your mind and brighten the darkness. They have said breathing facilitates decision-making, but they say a lot of things. No, you don't want to inhale and exhale, you want to know. Only that. Remain, swim or dive. What would it be?

You start to feel the nails digging into the cold skin of your palm and simultaneously take a step backwards. The answer was there from the very beginning.Your hear your inner voice, run and don't look back, and it made you laugh. When have you been running? When have you not looked back? Running will only demolish the satisfaction of gaining the answer. And you would resent that, would you? You need this decading feeling of gratification activated in your nucleus accumbens and frontal contex of the brain and you just cannot let it go. A step forward. Think again.

You are running out of time. What would it be? Staying on that shore would not change much. You would be still the same person with the slightest distinction that it will be gone. Fear not, you mutter to yourself. Swimming is easy, you know how to do it. You have done it before. You can do it again. Like you used to. The clouds partially hided the sun and you take it as a sign. The reflection of the sunlight in the water surface is now gone. The sea looks darker and deeper. It is testing you, waiting to make a move. You can always choose the other alternative, but always does not equal now, does it? You have never dived into the sea. What if you lose? What is there to lose. You cannot prolong this for any longer. Wasting time is not in your skills set.

The sea is beaitiful. Immense. It is where you want to be, only if you could step forward. You have the answer and now you know what you want. What more do you need? Certainty? Life offers no guarantee, you are not born with a text book. You either do it or you don't. Yes, there probably would be another chance, but
do you want another chance?

You lean forward, welcome the soft sensation of the water, and you dive.
Into the sea.