***

There was a moment when she received clarity. She knew that she could not continue it any longer. She took a deep breath and looked up the sky. The clouds seemed effortless in their prettiness and slow motions. The contrast between pure white and this blue colour she adored so much, seemed hopeful in its own way. She did not know what else to do or she did not want to do anything else besides staring at the little clouds and thinking how it felt being with him. Whatever she knew her feelings were, she could never be certain whether they were real, because afterall was he even real?
 Being locked in his firm embrace was like the only thing she could care or want that moment, being close to his boyish smile was something she deeply needed and then deeply regreted. Why with all bold things in her life regret always comes. She would still ask herself this, but not now, not yet. All she had now was this moment, regret can wait, she thought. Regret and upset will shortly follow her, but right now she could not care less...or more.
 She remembered their last conversation, but it was his laugh that made her lips form a slight smile and her mind took another path to where it all began, and where it would probably end. She promised herself never to need him, never to longe for him and eventually when the moment comes to let him go. Most important, she never allowed herself to love him. They both were not suited for loving each other. They both had their issues like every other person, but together they became something, which was this odd mixture between a spark and a flame.
While being with him, she did her best ignoring all the questions forming in her head, all the unspoken things she desired telling him and all the unknown she wanted to explore...And she succeeded. She managed to push away every little question mark and every bit of curiousity just by a simple glance at him. But no, she could not just glance, she kept looking at his eyes, nose and lips for minutes or seconds between each time they locked lips. He was able to make her experience feelings that were familiar to her, but never so distingushed, never so intense. He was never really hers and she was never completely his, but at the back of her mind she so much wanted to be. In fact, she did not even think about whether he felt it or knew it. He never asked her and she never let herself ask him. Serious or thought-provoking conversations had no place in their time being together, because this is all they were - a cluster of bright moments, a mixture of intense emotions and an abundance of unspoken words. And because of all that, she was sadly convinced that such thing had no place in her simple life.