Everyone in life experienced one or sometimes an abundance of those moments when you have already known the outcome of certain actions, but you performed them anyway.
To be honest now I know what everybody was talking about, but it does not feel even slightest relieving or less frustrating that I have already predicted this turn of events. Prediction does not necessarily means prevention. The awareness that everything would get so wrong or whatsoever could not prevent you from fuilfilling what you already had in mind. The reasons might be different for everybody, but for me they are just simple: I wanted to live and feel everything. I felt like I was running in a cage with no exit, no colour and no excitement. It still feels this way, but once you set yourself free you might never be the same. This is the good part and here comes the bad one: You find yourself in the middle of a battle between all kinds of emotions, each emotion trying to get advantage over the other until the moment when you just cannot hold this fiasco and want to shut yourself down...And then perhaps you will be shortly followed by numbness.
I came to the conclusion, in result of few sips of Gin, that there might not be a wrong or a right decision if the outcome is the same. At the end you will feel the same shatterness regardless what you have chosen. However, the catch might be that you can never really know what something could or could have not been, because all you have is one shot and one choice. Thus, I dare to say that we should not underestimate the power of emotions and overestimate our inner strength to control them, because once they reach us, there might be no way back...
No comments:
Post a Comment