Hello world, I am your weird girl.

Yep, no kidding. Another day is gone and life is short. You don’t believe me, well don’t listen to the song with the same title then, and I so should not either. It reminds me of the glory days when I was young and first year university student. Now, I am still young, but not that young and not getting younger. The lack of Internet gets me creative or plain boring, you decide... or not. One is sure, I would rarely listen to this selection of songs in other circumstances (hint: with uninterrupeted internet connection). They are just one-way ticket to Memorylane and we all know, you all know what influence it has on me. Can you really blame me, like really, really? Blame the music in general. Everyone links some songs to some life events or also books in my case along with nail polish (weird, I know).

I am not sure whether or what I am waiting for. I just know that my dreams are getting more bizzare and my thoughts are getting more worn out. And here I am staring at this screen trying to get my words sorted out and it simply does not work. Perhaps it’s true, perhaps the happy people are not wandering in the past even in the background of some crappy song. But happiness is not that simple, perhaps happiness is simple for the simple and complex for the complex ones. Perhaps... I am all wrong, perhaps there is a meaning I cannot or should not figure out. Why would I want to know everything anyway? What difference would this make? More thoughts? More conclusions? More complexity? Who needs that in their simple lives? Do I even want simplicity?

I spent yesterday browsing  and planning to read tons of books evolving around the same neverending complex issue, because who needs simplicity when they have reading?

...I am that close to find out finally what I really want and all I can do is paint it or write it all  out and I don’t think that there is a such thing called coincidence.

...'Put your hands on the wheel and let the golden age begin', followed by this slow, mellow melody which simply melts through my senses and memories.

It is almost 2 am and I am not really supposed to go into memorylane listening to this song without a canvas in front of me, but I have just seen it in my Youtube's watch history panel and I could not resist.

The road, the sunshine, the sounds, the smell of summer, everything is so real during these few seconds. It's like I am there again and it is this moment again when everything is confusing and not in place, but somehow it felt comforting. I felt comforted for a while. I wish I could change few things back then, including me. Recalling those moments, I cannot restrain myself from regreting that I did not make them perfect. I should have done differently, but I did not. I was too occupied of thinking about everything that did not really matter. I was literally wasting my energy and time instead of just letting myself be completely drifted away in this moment, in this sheer peacefulness, which was not complete.

Nevertheless, it is all in the past: my wasted thoughts, worries... And they do not reappear in those imperfect and meanwhile comforting few seconds of memories. It is just the road, the sun, the car window, the warm air, the smell and sounds of summer. 

Minutes, hours, miles, me.

It is not August anymore, it is not summer anymore. It was not the summer I know. It was only a glimpse, a catch, just a snapped moment. I did not really have a summer this year. All my fault, I confess. I am not sure I will have one, it just cannot be the same. With every each passing year, nothing seems to be the same. And I have this bad habit of disliking change, cause why would I want to change something, which was and felt good? Why would I want to stop listening to Brand New when I feel like a line from their lyrics, just like this at this moment? Maybe this is all I can be sometimes- a line of emotions with no end and no beginning.

Truth to be said, I am not sure how long I can maintain this charade of me trying not to care, not to be bothered by anything and anyone. It is all a facade, but a pointless one. A day, a week and another few? How long would it take to fix things unless they are beyond repair? In that case, it is just like watching myself from aside. Even the words seem useless, probably they are quite useless. Why would I need them, what good they can do to me? What good anything would do at this point? Please ignore the question marks at the end of the last sentence, it was not supposed to be really there, probably just like this whole little text was not supposed to be here, and I can also think of other few things.

...
'Every minute is a mile, I have never felt so hallow'.