I hate, or if hate is too storng word- I don't like the feeling of needing.Anything.It makes me feel weak and weakness is not one of my welcomed feelings.I attempt to avoid the word 'want', but I can't restrain myself from using it, simply because I don't want this weaky-wacky feeling. Do you know what else I don't want?- pitying myself and whinning.All this whining makes weaker and weaker makes me mad at my dear self. And who wants to be mad at their dear selves? No one I know and I know pretty good sample of people. In order I to stop whinning and pitying myself here, I should do something which is more meaningful and then maybe this weak feeling will disappear along with the neediness.
Years ago it bothered me, years ago I did not even feel the urge to emotionally slap myself, but now I am not the same teenage girl who has the luxery of being bothered by such insignificant things. I do not want or choose to be bothered this time by these things.It's not because I try to be grown up (this blog post is the mere evidence that I am not mature enough) or more sensible, it is because it is a time for getting rid of the rubbish.The 'rubbish' some people who I like and respect try to throw at me in moments like this one,because right now I prefer to bother myself with Kapalbathi Pranayam, statistical data analysis and playing rice-feeding-kids-game.
Yours sincerely,
the not-bothered-me.
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