Don't you forget?

''...One for the now and eleven for the later''

I was not supposed to write anything recently, but there was this thing called my sister's writing that changed my mind and here I go again on my own, the only way that I seem to know. I have spent most of my conscious life analysing myself and trying to find out why I react in particular ways during particular situations, so I would finally reach to the point when I would know what is that wrong with me. And do you know what, well you probably do: I have not found out yet. And indeed it does not hurt only when I laugh.
Days after days, I test myself on these quests when I would either win or lose the battle between me and my messed up self.

I wish I knew a lot of things, I wish I changed a lot of things and I so much wish I found a way to get through all this. I thought I knew, I thought I changed and I so much thought that I found that damn way. But the reality, the truth and our illusions or assumptions are never the same thing. Thus, yes, here I go again. The more I try to live, it seems that the more I tend to feel. The battle will probably never end in favour of me, because this messed up self I have will always find ways to win me over and over until there is probably nothing left.